What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
