dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
