It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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