Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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