So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
