I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
