so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
