Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
