you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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