everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
