his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
