I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
