so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
