I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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