I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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