how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
