its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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