I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
