I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
