I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
