i love accidental penises.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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