dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
