I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You did what with his pubic hair?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
