my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
