sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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