I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
