A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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