Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
