i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
