Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
