HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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