we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
