I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
