We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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