according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
