Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
