We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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