Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
