it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize