she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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