i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
farters have to be the big spoon...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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