So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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