My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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