I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
