I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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