he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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