my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
