Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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