I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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