Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
