we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
