this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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