Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize