Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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