my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
