using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
