Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
