I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
