Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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