is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
