As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize