yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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