I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
