no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
