He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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