Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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