You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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