chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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