i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
