ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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