Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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