i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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