you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
