it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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