why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize