Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize