Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
