it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize