Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
