She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize